How I Lost Her
by GraveyardQueen
Summary: Here's a sad story about Reno's past, and how his mother died. Rated M for language and violence.


Faetta. That had been her name. Reno remembered his mother's last moments as though it were just yesterday that she died. In truth, it had been nearly a decade since it had happened. Yet, it haunted his dreams to this day. He had been a boy of merely 14 years of age, living in a flat in one of the worst parts of the Sector 7 Slums, otherwise known as Poor Town. That was what they had been, poor. To a heartless outside world, they were not higher than trash. Reno and his family had been harassed and ridiculed by those on the outside of the Slums. People would point and sneer, always on their guard thinking that these common rats would steal them blind if they weren't careful.

Reno had been at home, laying on a dirty sofa in the living room, waiting for his sister return home from her friend's house across the way. Though the lights were on, he had been trying to sleep, as this was the closest thing he had to a bed. The flat only had two rooms. His mother and her boyfriend took one room, while Reno's sister Della had the other. Reno never minded sleeping in the living room, save for the immense lack of privacy. Then again, he never really needed it. Most of the time his 'parents' were too out of it to know what he was doing. Della was hardly home. Reno felt as close to alone as he could imagine all of the time.

He gave up the pursuit of sleep, being that the single light bulb hanging from the ceiling kept the room a bright, sickening orange. He got up, heading to the kitchen for a drink. Passing through the dining room, he noticed his mother and Ray. Ray. Reno hated him. There he sat in his stained wife-beater shirt and sweat pants, slightly balding and overweight. He was a pig, a sick abusive pig. Reno noticed that he had Faetta's arm stretched across the table, heroine-filled syringe dug into the innermost part of her elbow. He pushed the plunger down, sending the poison into her, only slowed by the rubber tie around her bicep. Ray removed it, giving her arm a rough slap. Reno watched as she leaned her head back, eyes rolling into her skull. This was not new to him. His mom had been on drugs for the past 8 years.

Reno remembered her when she was young, just barely an adult to the world's standards, and he had been a little boy. She had given birth to him when she was 15 years old. Like many of the unfortunate people to live in the Slums, Faetta grew up fast from the day she set foot in it. Reno had never known his father, but he never wanted to. Judging by all the boyfriends she had in the past, she had an awful taste in men. 90 percent of her exes had beaten her, all of them cheated on her, because of this she was disease-ridden and constantly bruised. She had terrible luck, and everything that had befallen her killed her inside just a little more. She had done her best in the beginning. She did things she didn't want to do, took jobs she didn't want to take, all for her baby, all for Reno. She thought things would get better, and they never did. Then, as she suffered more and more, and as the drugs finally washed away the last logical piece of her, she just didn't care anymore.

She had once been beautiful. She had a head of long, full, blazing red hair. She was pale, and her beauty was so natural she didn't even need to wear make-up, though she usually did anyway. She was curvy, and she had a brain to match her looks. Reno remembered the way she would smile at him, with perfect white teeth and hold him close. Faetta hadn't been a Slummer all of her life, and that showed in the way she used to be. Reno used to be proud to call her his mom. All Reno had left of those days was a photo, a small piece of the angel that had once graced his life to hold in his heart and in his memories forever.

Looking at her now, you'd have never guessed. Faetta's perfection was long gone now. She was skinny, strung out thin. Her hair, though still holding it's intense color was stringy and matted, hanging in a long mess pulled back into a sloppy bun, that looked more like a ponytail now with the disarray of it. Her face was still round, but her skin was pale and palid, her cheeks riddled with scars and scabs. She wore make-up on her eyes, but it was now smeared across her face and running down her cheeks. She looked like she had been crying, but she cried a lot. Her once spellbinding aquamarine eyes now looked dull and bloodshot. Her full lips were now thin and cracked, with a half-smoked cigarette held between them. She wore a loose white t-shirt and a pair of Reno's oversized boxer shorts, no socks on her feet. Her left hand rested on the table, while her right hand reached toward her hair. Her nails were weak and yellow, far from the fire engine red she used to paint them. She was a mess.

Reno scoffed at the sight before him and walked into the kitchen, sweeping a roach off of the countertop. He opened the fridge, and noticed that there was nothing inside to drink but beer. Reno shrugged and grabbed a can of beer. Upon opening it, he turned around to see Ray glaring at him from his seat at the table.

"Those are my beers, boy." He said gruffly.

"Tough shit. There's nothing else to drink, you fat pig." Reno replied, already pissed at Ray. He knew that Ray wouldn't get up to whip his ass right now, he was drunk and lazy. Anyway, what else was he supposed to do? Reno already had a job, but his job was barely enough to care for Della and himself. He usually went hungry, and as such had the body of a gangly ten year old. As much as he loved Della and wanted to care for her, it made him uncomfortable to see that she was becoming a woman. It only made him worry about her more. How long could he protect her from the dangers of life? How long would it be before she would tell him to go fuck himself when he tried to parent her?

Reno walked back into the living room, laying down for a moment, sipping his bitter drink and closing his eyes. The whole world changed the next time he opened them. Despite the irritating lighting, he had apparently dozed off for about 30 minutes. He sat up in shock, looking about the room. It had seemed nothing changed, yet he felt incredibly uneasy. The house was too quiet. He stood, stretching and running a hand through his hair, as he usually did when he was uncomfortable. He took a step forward, kicking over the half-drank can of beer into the already grimy carpet.

"Damn." He muttered, heading toward the kitchen to grab the only dish towel in the house from off of the refrigerator door. Upon passing the dining area though, he forgot all about the beer. He noticed what had been pulling at the back of his mind. Faetta was now on the floor under the table, curled into a twitching ball, the strange sounds of whimpers and ticks coming from her throat. Instantly Reno got onto his hands and knees and peered under the table at her. He watched as she started rubbing her arms and noticed she was crying again, tears streaming down her face, and now a choked sound came from her.

Panicked, Reno grabbed her shoulders and yanked her into the light of the kitchen where he sat with her, pulling her into a sitting position in front of him, supporting her shoulders with his hands.

"They're on me. Th-they're _on_ me!" she shouted, slapping at herself, pulling at her hair. Reno grabbed her hands to keep her from hurting herself and she started to kick and flail, sticking her bare foot into his chest, trying to push him away. She turned over onto her hands and knees, trying to crawl away, but twitched and fell to the floor in a full-blown, thrashing seizure. Reno flipped her onto her back, and as he did this, she struck the back of her head on the tile. Reno positioned his lean body atop hers, holding her limbs and forcing her against the floor, making it harder for her to flail about. As he squeezed her, he felt Faetta's muscles continue to tense and spasm. The whole time she was screaming.

"They're on me! They're gonna get me!" she sobbed. "Get them off-" she started, but made a choking sound and Reno jumped off of her, turning his mother onto her side, knowing that she was about to throw up. Still being wracked by a fit of spasms, she started heaving. White bubbling foam began emitting from her mouth, sticking to her face. _Oh shit. That's not good. She's having an overdose. What the fuck am I going to do? Fuck, I can't even take her to a hospital. They wouldn't even let her in the front door without money. I have no money to my name, and I can't leave her to go and get some. _

Faetta's body finally relaxed, save for the trembles from her crying. Sitting on his knees, Reno lifted her onto her back again, cradling her in his left arm. Tearing a piece from his shirt, he began cleaning the sticky vomit from her face as she continued to sob. There was blood oozing freely down her arm, flowing from the fresh tracks left in her flesh from the poison.

"What's happening to me?" she choked.

"You're tripping, mom." Reno answered. "But I'm here for you. Everything's going to be all right. I'm going to help."

"Save me." She whispered, a weak hand clutching Reno's right wrist. "They're on me."

"Nothing's on you. You're just hallucinating and you need to relax."

He looked down at her, into her eyes. They were dull and glazed. He had seen her eyes take on many characteristics, but they had never looked like this before. They seemed to have clouds over them. This brought his fears back to him solidly, something was very wrong with her. He became more and more worried that this wasn't something he could fix, even giving her all the comfort he could.

"I think I'm dying." She cried, once again overcome by convulsions. Reno threw his arms around her, trying to still her flailing limbs again. The attack blasted violently through her until after what seemed like forever, she stilled again for the most part. Her limbs continued to twitch, but in her weakened state, she could barely breathe.

"I'm dying." She repeated, which seemed to an exhausted Reno to be not too far from the truth, as much as he didn't want to face it. She wasn't going to make it through this. Her eyes looked almost glass now and her skin started to take on a slightly chilly feel to it. This was it. There was nothing he could do about it, she was fading out. He had felt so helpless in his attempts to get her through this, and it didn't matter. It didn't matter now much he willed her to live, or how tight he held her to him, his grip would be broken.

"I'm so sorry, mom." Reno whispered, as tears started to brim at the corners of his eyes. His throat and the back of his nose burned as he swallowed, trying to blink away from crying. His efforts were in vain, and as soon as the first tears streamed down, the rest began to come with such force he just let them come. This was how it felt to feel a life end. This was how it felt to really love someone and have them start to rip away. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he was actually scared. Just a scared little boy, wanting his mom, his mom who would never be able to save him again, just like he couldn't save her.

"Oh, my baby." She whispered, looking up at Reno as if it were the first time she recognized him all day. She reached a weak hand up and placed it on her son's cheek, rubbing a bloody thumb across his lower eyelid, wiping the tears from his beautiful pale face. This only made the tears fall harder, falling onto Faetta's quickly dying body, wetting the front of her shirt.

"Why you crying, sweetheart?" she asked, sounding more and more lazy and calm.

"Cause I'm scared you're dying." Reno sniffed.

"Aww, my baby Reno." She sighed, "My little boy. The only man who has never hurt me. The only man I can say I'm glad has come into my life. You're gonna be alright."

"Shhh, mom, try not to talk."

"No, I have to. I have been such a bad mother. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Are you hurting?"

"No, I'm feeling fine. Don't worry. Are they still on me?"

"No, mom. They're gone."

"You scared them off. That's my big boy. That's why mama loves you."

"I love you too, mom."

"Reno…" she sighed. That sigh was her last breath. Reno felt her die. It was the realest moment of his life. He actually experienced real death. Faetta felt lighter for a moment, and a strange, sweet aroma filled the room, gone as quickly as it came. Her once stiff body slowly limpened, like something that wasn't real. Before he was ready for it, his mother started to change, a greenish fizzing light started to glisten around her fingers and toes. As tight as Reno tried to hold her to him, wanting to feel her just a little bit longer, she started to physically fade away, becoming more of an energy than a person. She was being taken back into the Lifestream.

"No…no…no…no" Reno started to mutter to himself, as the last bits of her turned into the glittering green material that told him this was the very end. As she floated away, Reno was now only holding onto himself. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself as he dropped his head down and cried harder than he ever had in his life. He cried until it hurt inside and out. She was gone, his mother had joined the Earth again. He would never be able to see her, hug her, or even speak to her again. She had lived a miserable life, and died violently. An angel had been destroyed on this planet, crushed into the ground like the butt of a cigarette, and she died as garbage. She was gone and her life would be forgotten by everyone but him. There was nothing left. His last blood, the woman to whom he owed his life had been pulled away from him, the cruel planet orphaning him. He needed her, and even if she had wanted to, she would never be able to be there for him, just like she hadn't been in the last eight years. But she was at peace now, leaving him in her place, leaving him to suffer for her.

And suffer he did. This hurt so bad, the sudden loss. She had turned into a bad mother by trying her best to be a good mother. Her social values meant nothing to him. As bad as she was, Faetta was his only mother, and he loved her. As bad as she was, Reno would have done anything to bring her back. He had never felt more empty inside, all of the memories, good and bad, screaming in his heart, beating their way through him like so many drunken fists before. It was over.

---------------------------

Reno had lost part of himself that day, and as he worked his hardest to care for Della, he never got back to being the same person again. He spent hours just miserable, and his closeness with Della flourished. She began owing everything to him, only to be told that it was no big deal by her brother. He didn't have to do this. He didn't have to support her. He didn't owe Della a thing. She wasn't even Reno's real sister. She wasn't even his half- sister. She was Ray's daughter, and had no relation to Faetta.

Della was the only thing that brightened Reno's day. She was bright and full of life, a little too full of life for his now fatherly heart to relax. He always had talks with her when the time came for him to worry. He told her about boys and about drugs, and that both should be the last thing on her mind. They bonded as closely as any blood brother and sister would over the next two years. Reno worked during the day, while Della went to school with some of the more fortunate children. She had become a smart and beautiful teenage girl. She shared her life with Reno, as he spent his spare time trying to track Ray, the man that had inadvertently ended Faetta's life. He was going to get back at him no matter what it took. He had more than just Faetta's death to settle with him, because one night in those two years it took to find him, Della confided in Reno that Ray had sexually abused her on occasion.

This drove Reno crazy, and shoved his will to find this sick son of a bitch into the red. When he finally did find him, Reno savored the moment of getting even. He had broken into Ray's flat, on the other side of Poor Town, even worse than the one they used to share. He walked in through the door, armed with his own self-made weapon. He had fashioned it at home out of a fire-poke. Yet, it was more than that. He had fiddled with it and managed to charge it with electricity, via the wires hooked into the handle and the end of the prong. This had kept him safe on many occasions while walking home at night, and it was going to save his soul on this night.

He entered the room, finding Ray instantly asleep on a chair in his living room. He had lost a good deal of weight over the past two years, probably from the heroine. Raising the prod and turning it on, he stuck it to Ray's side, shocking and jolting the man awake. He flopped forward and fell onto the floor, looking up at his attacker.

"Reno!" He shouted, obviously shocked to see this boy, who had now become a 16 year old man of a household.

"Hello Ray." He replied, a sadistic smile spreading over his face as he shocked the man again. He screamed and flailed.

"God damn it Reno, do you have any idea what that feels like?" Ray panted, breathlessly.

"Oh yes. I have tried it on myself a few times. It hurts." Reno said, before jamming it into the man's ribs again.

"What do you want?!"

"I want you to die, yo!" Reno yelled back at him. "You're a fucking disease, Ray!"

"What's this all about?'

"It's about you. You're the one that killed my mom. How many hits did you give her in that 30 minutes, before you abandoned her? How many, Ray!" Reno took a lunging step closer to the man.

"Three! Jesus Christ, Reno. Three!"

"Three? You shot her up three times in 30 minutes? You were with her far long enough to know how much she could handle. You knew giving her three was a bad idea. That's why you ran off, isn't it?"

"She begged me-"

"I don't fucking care! I don't care if she held a gun to her head! You fucking killed Faetta! You did and nobody else. She died in my arms, Ray! Do you know how that feels?"

"Kid, she never loved you anyway."

Reno jabbed another long shock or to into Ray's side, burning a hole in his shirt before he was satisfied enough to stop.

"You would say anything to save yourself! Whether she loved me is none of your business. But you know that I loved her. You knew it, and you left her to die. You're sick!"

"It was an accident."

"An accident?! Beating me up all those times was no accident. What you were doing to Della was no accident. You're fucking sick! She was your daughter, your kin!"

"She's a liar."

Reno blasted him with another shock, before his rod shorted out and no more electricity would emit from it.

For a moment, Ray looked triumphant, but this was not going to stop Reno. He raised the fire-poke above his head, looking down at his prey. _Appreciate this, Ray. This is the last face you are ever going to see. _Reno smirked as he saw Ray tense, stretching his arm to fend Reno away, before he brought the rod down right onto Ray's head. He went crazy with the feeling of it, crashing it down again and again, the sickening sound of bones cracking was music to his ears. He beat Ray long after he was dead, bludgeoning him until Reno was too tired to move, and was spattered with blood just as much as the floor beneath him. He struck until there was no more Ray, and his green essence went back to the Lifestream, just like Faetta's had. By the time he stopped, he was hitting at nothing more than air.

Reno fell to his knees, absorbing this moment, letting it get him high. He was elated, he felt good, but he was crying once again anyway. He had killed a man at 16 years of age. He was a murderer with a cause. He smiled, and he could finally stop being crazy and blaming himself for losing her. He had done all he could to save her, and now he had done all he could to avenge her. He could go home and sleep in peace tonight. Bathed in the moment, he knew she would be proud of him. _Now you can rest, Faetta._


End file.
